Poems I read at the memorial

I'll Be There
Daddy, please don't look so sad,
Mama please don't cry
Cause I'm in the arms of Jesus
and He sings me lullabies.
Please try not to question God,
Don't think He is unkind.
Don't think he sent me to you,
and then He changed His mind.
You see, I am a special child,
and I'm needed up above.
I'm the special gift you gave Him,
the product of your love.
I'll always be there with you
and watch the sky at night,
Find the brightest star that's gleaming,
that's my halo's brilliant light.
You'll see me in the morning frost,
that mists your window pane.
That's me in the summer showers,
I'll be dancing in the rain.
When you feel a little breeze,
from a gentle wind that blows
That's me, I'll be there,
planting a kiss on your nose.
When you see a child playing,
and your heart feels a little tug,
That's me, I'll be there giving your heart a hug.
So Daddy, please don't look so sad,
Mama don't you cry.
I'm in the arms of Jesus and He sings me lullabies





I thought of you and closed my eyes,
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother,
And I know I heard him say:
A mother has a baby,
This we know is true.
But, God, can you be a mother,
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can he replied,
With confidence in his voice.
I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there’s no need to stay.
I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared his throat,
And then I saw a tear.
I wish that I could show you,
What your child is doing today,
If you could see your child smile,
With other children who say:
We go to earth and learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My mommy set me free.
I miss my mommy oh so much,
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
"Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here."
So you see my dear sweet one,
Your children are Ok.
Your babies are here in My home,
They'll be at heavens gate for you.
So now you see what makes a mother.
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of,
Right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize you are a mother,
until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day,
And you'll know that you're the best one!

The Memorial

So tiny...

This smile can make any sad person happy. Cloe and Cambree were there also. They've all helped heal my heart through both losses.

Two wonderful men...

The memorial was short but sweet. I'm so glad that we have a place to go now to visit both of our boys. We have had so much support and so many people have showed their concern. We both have such wonderful families and friends and we are so lucky to have them. The drive to Logan was one of the longest drives I have ever had to make in my life. I don't think anyone can be ready to plan a funeral for anyone. Thanks to Eric for making all the arrangements, everything got done. I don't know what I would do without him. He has been such a strength and support for me. Rohbi is a strong little girl and has also been a strength for me.

A little update...

I figured I'd better update you guys a little bit on what is going on. We went in on Thursday for our ultrasound. We went in for the ultrasound and were told that there was a problem and he went to get our doctor. We found out that there was no heartbeat. We found out later that it was because the cord was wrapped around his neck and the cord by his belly button was twisted so bad that he was unable to get any nourishment. We found out after we delivered that we had another boy and we named him Ruger. We delivered him at 12:50 on October 31st. We will be having a memorial tomorrow and will do a double dedication for both him and Gunnar since we didn't have a normal burial for Gunnar. Anyway, we are struggling right now but we're getting through. We're just so blessed to have two very special spirits that we can call our children. We love them so much and know that we will be able to raise them when the time is right.

Do you think it will be a boy or a gilr?

We will be having our 20 week ultrasound on October 29th and we will be finding out if we're having a boy or a girl. I kind of have an idea of what it might be and I know what Eric and I want but I'm just curious to see what you guys think...Below is the link to a quiz I created because I couldn't get a poll put on my blog without part of it being cut off. I'll update you on the results of the quiz and what the ultrasound actually shows on the 29th.

http://www.quibblo.com/quiz/b0nueSA/Do-you-think-we-are-having-a-girl-or-a-boy

SURPRISE!!!!!

Make a pregnancy ticker

Our trip to Gunnar's grave

We went to visit Gunnar's grave on the 26th. Eric wanted to leave a little cop car on the grave and I knitted a pair of booties to put there. It was hard to visit but at the same time it was really healing. He is buried in Baby Land which is in the Logan Cemetery. A nurse bought a bunch of plots there and donated them to Share Parents so that parents who lose babies have a place to bury them.

This is the angel statue they put there

The back side of the statue

The car and booties we left for him.

Boys and their toys...

So Eric and I went on a date a couple of Saturdays ago. We went to visit Gunnar's grave. On the way through Preston, he makes a comment about stopping by one of the car dealerships to look at one of their vehicles. I said okay and didn't think much of it. Well as we came back through Preston, he stopped to take a look at it. He was so excited and went on and on about how awesome this thing is. Well, from the looks of it, it isn't that great, but okay I'll take your word for it. He decided to head down there the next time he worked just to ask about it. It just so happened he was in his cop outfit so I'm sure that helped a little bit ;) Anyway, the price was right and last week we walked away owners of a 1984 or 85 Cutvee (sp). It's an old military vehicle. I now present to you the Green Monster!


Drum roll please.......

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Isn't she purty? :)