A few things I've realized...

Losing two babies back to back was such a hard thing to go through. Eric and I had been married 2 months when we found out we were pregnant with Gunnar and we were so excited. A few months later the wind was taken out of our sails when we lost him. Nine months later we were pregnant again and we went through the same process of grief when we lost Ruger. Nine months later again when we found out we were pregnant with this little boy, we were both nervous and anxious but in a way, I was hoping that by carrying this pregnancy to term, maybe it would take away the pain of losing our other two boys. I was hoping it would fill that void that was left and numb the ache I felt to hold Gunnar and Ruger. For about the first 6 months of this pregnancy I was on cloud nine and with every hurdle we cleared I became more and more excited. Now that I've had time to come back to reality, I'm realizing that I still ache to hold Gunnar and Ruger (and yes it is a physical ache). Leaving the hospital both times without my babies was the worst feeling. My arms ached to hold my boys.

Even though I still miss my boys and ache to hold them, being pregnant with this little one has helped to dull that ache. He has given me something to look forward to. I look forward to holding him and kissing him and smelling him. I look forward to watching him grow and helping him learn...He has been my light at the end of the tunnel.

I love all of my kids so much! I'm so grateful to be able to say that I have an eternal family and I will get a chance to raise Gunnar and Ruger during the millennium if I live my life right. It gives me something positive to work on!

We are an eternal family!

December 18, 2010 we were sealed together for time and all eternity! It was one of the most overwhelming, rewarding, emotional days of my life. I am so thankful that we finally made it! We had friends and family who had a ways to travel and some who didn't have to travel very far but we were so grateful to have them there and share this wonderful day with us!

Oh my child...sometimes I wonder where she came from. Here we are trying to get a nice family picture taken and she has to throw this in! What a ham!