When we lost
Gunnar, it was such a shock, but at the same time, it wasn't because we were warned a couple of days before hand that we could lose him. About 4 months later, I felt ready and wanted to give back to Share Parents because they had given us so much. I asked what it would take to be able to help them and she said that to be able to take care of the babies, I would need a little more distance from my loss before I could do that. The last thing a parent who just lost their baby needs is a stranger falling apart in front of them. So that option was out even though I felt like I could. Right around that time, I learned how to knit and decided that I would make the little gowns, hats, booties, and blankets. I was still a beginner knitter so I knew it would be a while before I would be able to do that. I continued to knit and develop those skills. When we lost
Ruger, it was even more of a shock. It was something totally unexpected. I didn't think I would be able to get through a second loss. Thanks to an amazing doctor who was willing to step outside of his job and give two strangers a priesthood blessing (along with prayers and support of our loved ones), I believe we made it through as good, if not better than can be expected. My heart still hurts and I still have some down days and that is something that is ongoing. I'm the type who will play the "poor me" card for quite a while if I can get away with it. I realized a long time ago that it doesn't help my depression one bit to do that and I have a family to take care of.
Soooo.....I decided to step outside of myself and take a step toward my healing. After searching on the
Internet, I found several sites that had patterns of gowns, booties, hats, etc. for premature babies of all sizes and also for full term stillborns. They are sites where you can get the patterns and then donate what you make to hospitals. I was so excited! I decided to push myself and try these patterns and realized how easy it was to make these things! Anyway, enough of my rambling. I've made a few of each of these things. I even found patterns small enough that they would have fit both
Gunnar and
Ruger! I made some bigger burial gowns but am working on the smaller ones. These are just a start of what I will be making:
The first burial gown I made
This is an angel pouch. They come in several different sizes for babies of all sizes.
These hats are quite a bit smaller than they look. They would probably fit a 3-5
pounder.
This one is my favorite! It is a beautiful pattern!
Share Parents gave us something that we can never get back. They took pictures of our beautiful little boys. Without those, I honestly don't know if I would be able to remember what they looked like. They also gave us every article of clothing that the boys wore, little tape measures that were marked for how long the boys were, little teddy bears, tiny little baby rings, etc. and all this stuff was put in a memory box. These women are on call any time day or night so when we lost Ruger one of the ladies were called in around 1 am. They've all been in a similar situation and are giving back. It just helped so much in our healing to have a little something to remind us of our babies.
If anyone is interested in helping out, I found patterns that you can knit, crochet, and sew so let me know. You can contact me at
idamberl@hotmail.com and I will forward the website addresses to you. I will also give you the info where you can send the stuff. It would be to Share Parents of Logan but if you would rather send them to a different hospital, I can help you figure out where to send them. I also know that they could use all the donations (money) they could get so if you are interested and would like to do that in addition to or instead of making things, let me know and I can get you that info. They whole point of this post was just to update you on what I've been up to and to include you in my healing process and not to recruit so please don't feel obligated to help out. It's just if you are interested.
