Christmas

We had a great Christmas this year. Eric's family sent a ton of gifts and of course about 95% of them were Rohbi's. She was so excited and loved everything she got. Almost every day she would ask me if she could "organize" the presents. I know that it was to see which ones were for her so she could have quick access to them. Christmas morning my parents came over and the plan was to start opening gifts at 7:30 am and then have a nice breakfast afterward. I got up at 7 so I could be there when Rohbi got up so she couldn't get into the presents without us being there. I waited and waited and waited. No one woke up. 7:30 came and went...7:45...finally at 7:50 my parents showed up and I told them that Rohbi and Eric were a bunch of poops because I was the only one up!

I went and woke Rohbi and Eric up...

and then we waited for Eric to drag his lazy butt out of bed...
Finally he came out and Rohbi (anxiously waiting) could finally start opening presents.

We headed down to Preston for Christmas lunch with my family and then exchanging gifts. This year we decided to do a homemade gift exchange. It was kind of stressful and at times I didn't know if I would finish the gifts in time but it was a lot of fun and the finished product didn't turn out too bad either :) I also made something for the two kids that I watch. I didn't take a picture of the hat I made for Cooper but I made Bailee a cute little purse and thought it turned out really cute so I just had to brag real quick :)

Our visit to the boys' grave

This year we decided to put up a tree on the boys' grave. Hopefully this well become a yearly thing. It was a lot of fun and the boys needed a tree too :)

Eric and Rohbi didn't like that there were graves that didn't have anything on them. Rohbi thought it was because their families didn't love them. It really bothered her. So she and Eric went around and put some of the ornaments we brought on the headstones that didn't have anything on them.

The boys' cute little neighbor. Eric told the boys not to fight over her :)
Some of the graves they decorated.

The tree after it was done. Please don't judge it by the way it looks. It was decorated with love :)

Rohbi wanted to build a little snowman for the boys. After I accidentally stepped on the first two she made, she decided to just hurry and build one for both of them.

We had a really fun day decorating the grave. It sounds weird but that is all we have left of them and want it to stay kept up and looking nice. We also wanted to put something fun on there kind like we are in a way including them in our Christmas celebration. It was really hard for me to leave them when it was time to go.

Finding ways to cope

This post is more for my sake than anything else so if you don't want to read it, I'm totally fine with that.

This time of year is so hard for me. Potato harvest is hard for me because we lost Gunnar during potato harvest and then we lost Ruger 13 months later. It's hard to face the holidays knowing I don't have my two boys to celebrate them with. I'm not discounting the fact that we're so blessed to have Rohbi because I don't know what I would do without her. I found after losing Gunnar that it was easier to get through Christmas by acknowledging him. I went out and bought him and Rohbi both an ornament. I also bought another stocking to put up for him. Even though he wasn't there, it helped a lot to remember him and include him. Since we now have a grave to go to, we have decided to put a tree up at the grave and decorate it. I also bought ornaments for all three kids and another stocking for Ruger. Rohbi asked if she could hang up Gunnar and Ruger's ornaments after she hung up hers. She was so excited to hang them up for her little brothers. She's also excited to be able to go to the cemetery and decorate the grave.

For me, being able to talk about my boys and about my emotions helps me so much. I have a couple of family members and friends who have gone through losses of their own and just being able to talk to them and know that my emotions are normal has helped. Even thought it probably hurt for them to talk about their losses, they have been so patient with me and have let me vent and let my emotions out.

I am so blessed to have such a great family support and great friends who have been there for me. I can't express enough how much that has meant to me. I have a strong husband and daughter who have been my rock. They are hurting as much as I am but have stayed strong.

I know there is a reason for everything. I know that the Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle. I know that some day I will find out why I had to go through this. It's just trying to find the patience until then :)

Time to catch up again

I was so caught up in the drama we've had recently that I completely forgot to post pictures of Rohbi on Halloween.

We had Ruger so early on Halloween morning that they discharged us that afternoon. Even though we were going through a rough time, we knew we couldn't disappoint Rohbi more than we had. We missed going to her Halloween carnival because we were admitted to Labor and Delivery that day and didn't have the baby until 2 days later. I felt so guilty for missing it and wished we could have been there. Luckily I have a wonderful family and one of my sisters took time out of her busy schedule and drove her kids up here and took Rohbi to the carnival. That night we headed up to Soda to the Trunk or Treat there. We went over to my parents' house after that so that they could see Rohbi in her costume and visited for a few minutes and then headed home. We had been in the hospital almost 40 hours before I ended up having Ruger and I hadn't slept more than maybe an hour total up to that point because of nurses coming in, machines going off because my blood pressure was too low, etc. Once I got out of surgery, I was able to get a few hours of sleep before they woke me up for breakfast or something (I really can't remember). By the time we got done with the Trunk or Treat and visiting with my parents, I was exhausted so we headed home and called it a night.

I'm so behind in posting. I feel bad. For Thanksgiving, Eric and I decided at the last minute to head to Boise to spend Thanksgiving with his family. It's the first time in about 15 years that the whole family has been together for the holiday so it was time. It was the first time I wasn't with my side of the family for a holiday but I'm so glad we went up there. We had a great time! I'm such an idiot and didn't take any pictures! We hadn't had the chance to meet Brandon and Jessie's little boy who is almost one and we were so excited to see him. He's such a cutie and we wished we could have spent more time with him and Brandon and Jessie. We don't get to see them enough! We had a wonderful dinner. The kids had a hay day playing from morning until night. Eric's sister, Shelly, asked me if I wanted to go shopping with her on Black Friday and even though I swore I would never go again, I knew I had shopping to get done. I'm so glad I went with her. Even though it was so crazy, I had so much fun being able to spend time with her! After we went shopping, Eric decided to take Shelly and I on a date to go see the new Twilight movie "New Moon". It was so good! It was such a fun weekend and it was great to see my in-laws again. We don't get enough time to spend with them.