This post is more for my sake than anything else so if you don't want to read it, I'm totally fine with that.
This time of year is so hard for me. Potato harvest is hard for me because we lost Gunnar during potato harvest and then we lost Ruger 13 months later. It's hard to face the holidays knowing I don't have my two boys to celebrate them with. I'm not discounting the fact that we're so blessed to have Rohbi because I don't know what I would do without her. I found after losing Gunnar that it was easier to get through Christmas by acknowledging him. I went out and bought him and Rohbi both an ornament. I also bought another stocking to put up for him. Even though he wasn't there, it helped a lot to remember him and include him. Since we now have a grave to go to, we have decided to put a tree up at the grave and decorate it. I also bought ornaments for all three kids and another stocking for Ruger. Rohbi asked if she could hang up Gunnar and Ruger's ornaments after she hung up hers. She was so excited to hang them up for her little brothers. She's also excited to be able to go to the cemetery and decorate the grave.
For me, being able to talk about my boys and about my emotions helps me so much. I have a couple of family members and friends who have gone through losses of their own and just being able to talk to them and know that my emotions are normal has helped. Even thought it probably hurt for them to talk about their losses, they have been so patient with me and have let me vent and let my emotions out.
I am so blessed to have such a great family support and great friends who have been there for me. I can't express enough how much that has meant to me. I have a strong husband and daughter who have been my rock. They are hurting as much as I am but have stayed strong.
I know there is a reason for everything. I know that the Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle. I know that some day I will find out why I had to go through this. It's just trying to find the patience until then :)
Saturday, December 12, 2009
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4 comments:
hey doll i've been thinking about you a lot lately! i love you girl! keep your chin up. i know there is nothing i can really say but that i know what you are going through and that it will all be okay i just don't know when. i think i'm better one day and the next i'm in tears. but i do know that Heavenly Father loves you and he's taking care of our boys. I love you!!!
I always think about you and your family. I'm so sorry for your losses and I can't even imagine how hard this is for you. You are such a special person to be blessed to have three little angels, two that will always be close to your heart in spirit, that you and your husband will be with for eternity. Please if you ever need anything or need to get away, i'll always be available for you:)
Amber~ I'm so sorry for your losses. I had no idea that you had been going through all of this. Just know that you will have the answers you need in time. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Keep your chin up. ~Chelsey
You are such a strong woman and I am so proud of you for pushing forward. I agree that it is important to do whatever you need to to cope with these difficult losses! Just remember Amber, that you are a wonderful mother, wife, friend, auntie, sister and person... everyone is pulling for you guys. Happy Holidays:)
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